What To Do If You Suspect Cheating – Call it girl instincts or call it piecing together some evidence… sometimes you just can’t shake the gut feeling that your boyfriend is cheating.
Maybe you’ve only been with your boyfriend for a few months, or maybe you’ve been together for years at this point. Either way, you know him well enough to know what his normal behavior looks like and what is out of the ordinary for him.
What To Do If You Suspect Cheating
And lately he’s been doing amazing. He’s more possessive of his phone, secretive about where he goes, and sometimes even harder to get hold of—and his excuses for his unavailability aren’t always satisfactory.
Can A Relationship Go Back To Normal After Someone Cheats?
All signs seem to line up with what you’ve been hoping isn’t true: He’s cheating. You haven’t seen any incriminating articles or earrings that aren’t yours, but it’s only fair to wonder how his behavior has changed lately. But what should you do if you have this doubt? Should you confront him, test him, or do something else?
Here are some ideas on how to handle things when you think your boyfriend is cheating.
Without hard evidence (like a DM, a picture, or something left by a woman) it’s possible to pick out a few signs that might indicate cheating and then jump to a million conclusions – which probably aren’t true – you can imagine. He has been unfaithful since the beginning or maybe with the cute colleague.
However, filling in all those blanks makes you feel worse and worse, letting your imagination run wild and stressing over what you don’t know for sure yet. Not to convince yourself that your suspicions are wrong, but to wait until you know more to respond, both internally and externally. So before you text him and tell every friend, take a deep breath.
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When you start to suspect he’s cheating, your mind may start racing, trying to interpret his every little move and behavior. You can try to pinpoint the exact moment things started to feel bad, or try to review some tips you’ve jotted down.
If you still don’t see evidence of his cheating, it’s important to carefully consider what you’ve interpreted as red flags up to this point—it may even be helpful to write down each red flag. Once you know for sure that his behavior has made you suspect cheating, it’s time to be honest with yourself.
You may be right – maybe he is seeing someone else behind your back. But maybe he isn’t – and maybe because of past experiences, you’re seeing red flags where there aren’t any. Maybe you’ve been cheated on before, and thus you’re more sensitive to strange behavior. Or maybe you know someone who has experienced this with you and you are afraid it will happen to you.
If you have had such an injury before, you are of course not wrong to pay more attention. But this time, before you know anything for sure, you should really examine whether your doubts are due to confidence and past experiences or genuine behavior on his part.
Should I Tell My Friend Her Husband Is Cheating On Her?
Believing you are being cheated on can be incredibly lonely, embarrassing and emotionally draining. You may experience a cocktail of strong, overwhelming emotions, and it will definitely be helpful to have someone to work with.
But make sure that everyone you know, whether it’s a mentor, a close friend, or a family member, is someone you truly trust and has your best interests at heart. The last thing you need is someone confronting you without consulting you or talking about your situation – so choose carefully before giving someone a list.
Communication is probably the only way to solve this. If you see articles or anything else that clearly suggests cheating, the way you choose to approach it depends on whether you intend to stick with it or not. But if your suspicions are just your reason to believe he’s cheating, there’s no need to throw accusations into the conversation.
Let him know you want to talk about something and tell him it won’t be an easy conversation. Start by saying you’ve noticed some strange behavior from him lately, and after giving him the benefit of the doubt (“Maybe you’ve got a lot on your mind”), simply ask him if he’s cheating, without getting upset.
Signs Your Spouse Is Cheating
Whether he is guilty or not, he may be defensive, upset or emotional and immediately dismiss your suspicions. If you don’t believe him, let him know again without getting heated – just say what’s true for you. If he says it’s not true, gently ask for an explanation of the behavior that made you suspect cheating in the first place.
Finally, go into the conversation with a clear understanding of what you want – if you know everything is true, know whether you want to stay in the relationship or not. He will do everything he can to make you stay, so it’s important to know what you want before starting the conversation.
Maybe he’s denied everything and you’re sure you want to believe him, or maybe he’s confessed, but he’s repented and you’ve chosen to stay with him as long as he can. Either way, you may not be able to resume things as if nothing had happened. The uncertainty in relationships is very real for you right now, whether or not something has actually happened.
So keep checking the behavior when you feel it is necessary. Even though he swears up and down that he’s not cheating, she’s still not crazy about watching out for red flags. The only way to feel closure is if you can come to the conclusion that he isn’t cheating on your own, not just by denying him.
Quotes On Cheating Boyfriend And Lying Husband
This article was co-authored by Clare Heston, LCSW. Clare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Clare received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-year postgraduate certificate from the Gestalt Institute in Cleveland, as well as a certificate in family therapy. Supervision, mediation and trauma recovery and treatment (EMDR).
There are 15 references mentioned in this article, which you can find at the bottom of the page.
It can be difficult to get your partner to admit that they are cheating. Listen carefully to what they say and look for inconsistencies in their alibi. If your partner uses simpler language and fewer self-referential words due to their absence, the more likely they are to cheat. Ask random, open-ended questions and encourage your partner to come clean when you’re ready to admit they’ve cheated. Be empathetic and make your partner feel like they can confess. If you admit that your partner has cheated, you have succeeded, but it is important to remain calm and not aggressive or aggressive.
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This article was co-authored by Clare Heston, LCSW. Clare Heston is a licensed independent clinical social worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Clare received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-year postgraduate certificate from the Gestalt Institute in Cleveland, as well as a certificate in family therapy. Supervision, mediation and trauma recovery and treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 376,952 times.
To get your partner to admit they cheated, ask, “Where were you last night?” Ask them direct questions that they cannot avoid answering. Although it’s tempting, try not to respond to every statement with a question or comment because they need space to accept what they’ve done. When asking your partner, ask open-ended questions that don’t have yes or no answers to get more details. Once you’ve learned some details about what your partner did, check with friends or colleagues to confirm they’re correct. For example, if your partner says they went out drinking with a friend, ask the friend if that’s true. If you’re sure your partner is cheating, ask, “Is there something you want to tell me?” Try to confront them directly by saying something like that. And include the person’s name. Keep reading for tips from our relationship co-author on how to respond if you think your partner has cheated on you! There is no pain in love.
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