What To Do If Husband Is Cheating

What To Do If Husband Is Cheating – Research shows that marital infidelity leads to divorce about 37 percent of the time—but with the right tools, it’s possible to keep your relationship healthy. PeopleImages / Getty Images

When Ellie Grant’s husband started spending more time with his female colleague at work, she didn’t immediately suspect it. “It never bothered me because he didn’t like her,” Grant said. “He wasn’t good, he was hard at work. But there was something that bothered me.”

What To Do If Husband Is Cheating

What To Do If Husband Is Cheating

Grant finally confronted her husband with her gut feeling that something was wrong. Slowly, the truth emerged. “He confessed a little, then in the following days and weeks, he confessed more. I was shocked and distraught.”

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Despite dating, the couple stayed together and are currently celebrating 23 years of marriage. But for many couples, infidelity is the nail in the coffin. A study by the Austin Institute found that about 37 percent of divorces in the United States involve infidelity.

It’s not an easy thing to recover from—but according to marriage and family therapist Amanda D. Mahoney, patients who find success in staying together after cheating have one key thing in common: “The There’s a tendency to process signals that might help. As opposed to focusing on the issue itself,” she explains.

This should not be confused with justifying the decision to cheat by citing relationship problems as an excuse. But if you can be honest with your partner about what isn’t working—without playing the blame game—that’s a good sign that your relationship is likely to be on the mend.

In fact, it may not just be stable, but you may become stronger than before if you manage it properly.

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“If you and your partner meet after the fact and want to work it out and stay together, that can be one of the most important motivators for a marriage to grow,” says Jane Elmquist, relationship expert. and host of Evine After Dark.

For Grant, a writer and journalist living in Toronto, packing up and moving wasn’t immediately in the cards. “I have three young children and I didn’t want to do anything that would disrupt their lives if I wasn’t sure I wanted out of the marriage,” he said. Instead, she focused on her healing with the help of a therapist, while her husband spent time in separation therapy.

If you and your partner both want to take the necessary steps to get back out of love, it can be done, but it will be a long road. Here are some important steps you can take together to help restore your relationship.

What To Do If Husband Is Cheating

“There has to be an adequate level of remorse. So if you’re the partner who cheated, you should feel really, really sad. It can’t be something that comes out in any way. You have to be sorry for what happened and Regret is a deep feeling,” Elmquist said. “And if your partner cheats on you and you don’t feel remorse from him, then that would be something you would look at as a starting point for getting back at him.”

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This is the most difficult step of all and will determine whether the two of you will be able to move forward or not. “People can make bad choices sometimes,” Mahoney said. “The question then becomes: Do these poor choices and/or cues now dictate the future of the relationship? The answer depends largely on motivational factors.” Unmet needs in relationships, weak relationships, attachment issues and outdated gender roles can all be triggers for dating – something Mahoney helps couples with in her work.

“Infidelity is very complicated, there’s a lot of depth and complexity to why people cheat and how you can find a way to be together,” adds Elmqvist, who says understanding makes sense. “Why did this happen? Where was the breakdown? What was it about our relationship that opened the door for us to let someone else go? It’s going to be important to have that understanding in your relationship.”

But if the person who cheated doesn’t come clean about why it happened—or becomes suspicious, making things right may be impossible. “[The reason] can’t be too simple, like ‘I’m a guy’ or it just happened,” says marriage coach and author Leslie Doris. Why did this happen so that when faced with a similar situation in the future, a different choice will be made.”

Grant’s husband admitted that he was a sex addict and was just looking for treatment. “When I felt strong enough to leave, my husband had been in therapy for several years and had worked hard to understand why he was putting the family he loved at risk because he was so Because of the relationship they really didn’t care about,” she said. Grant. “I respect how hard he works. He did everything to support me as I recovered,” he said.

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If the relationship is truly over, taking physical steps to cut ties and set boundaries is essential to your partner’s healing process. “Removing contact information, blocking numbers and removing contacts from social media will be important.” Brandon Santon, a licensed marriage and relationship therapist practices in Tennessee.

Because Grant’s husband was working with the woman he was having an affair with, it became very difficult. “I think ‘no contact’ is important, but sometimes it’s impossible,” he says. “If so, there should be transparency about any interaction.”

Cheating hurts for many reasons, but one of the biggest things to avoid is the lack of honesty. “Lying is a big part of infidelity,” says Doris, which is why she encourages a cheater to be brutally honest about all the details of getting ahead—not just the ones that hurt their partner. “The fraudsters have to come forward and answer all the questions,” he said.

What To Do If Husband Is Cheating

This level of transparency must continue until it rebuilds trust; Something Ellie says was key to her healing process. “My husband stopped doing things that made me uncomfortable (like going out with boys after work). I had access to any / all electronic / emails, passwords. He told me where he was going and who he was with. It will be. He looked rude for a while, but he knew that this was the way, he would build trust with it.”

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“You have to put other things aside for a while and you have to give that relationship a new, stronger, new foundation,” Elmqvist added.

Your gut reaction may be to put your partner’s misunderstandings all over social media for all to see, says Travis McNulty, MD, of LMHC, who practices in Florida and says it’s a common coping mechanism. is “I’ve seen people in that position try to hurt their wives in public,” he said. “Usually it’s done out of anger and lack of clarity that usually makes the person who’s been cheated seem mean or crazy in their reaction.” It’s healthy to talk to someone about what you’re going through, especially a therapist. But telling everyone in your inner circle can be bad.

“The more people know about it, the more people will have ideas based on trying to protect you from harm,” explains McNulty. “It’s a therapist’s worst nightmare because alliances and loyalties to friends and family members make it difficult to move forward.” Especially if you both decide to do it. “The person who was cheated on may forgive and move on, but the family still has a lot of resentment that often puts pressure on an already compromised relationship to try to rebuild and move on,” McNulty said.

Grant found support by creating a blog, The Betrayed Women’s Club, to connect with other victims of infidelity — a support system she says played a big role in her healing process. “I created my website because I wanted a community of women who knew what I was going through and who wouldn’t judge,” she said. Our culture doesn’t understand how damaging disbelief can be. It can be really painful to share your secret to have someone react, like my friend said, ‘Well, I can’t take it.’

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After the meeting, it

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